森保JAPAN、アジア最強撃破!【日本代表VSイラン代表:アジアカップ2019】

アジアカップ,日本代表,森保JAPAN
東京都内有名私立大学女子大生100人に聞いた「抱かれたいサッカー評論家は誰?!」の見事第1位に輝いたフェルチオH後(ふぇるちおえっちご)です。

(架空のアンケートであり妄想です)

※●ルジオ越後氏は全く別人です。

んちゃ!!

皆さん、元気にSUCKERしてますか?!

我らがサッカー日本代表、森保JAPANが決勝進出をかけて、現アジア最強と言われるイラン代表と戦いました。

結果は皆さんご存知の通りですが、一体誰がこの結果を予想できたでしょうか?

希望的観測で日本代表が勝つ、いや勝ってほしいと日本国民は願っていたと思います。しかし、結果論ではありますが、私のように3-0で日本勝利と予想した人はいなかったのではないでしょうか?

他のサッカー評論家でさえもこのスコアは予想できなかったはずです。

強敵イラン代表に勝利した我らがサッカー日本代表、森保JAPANの実力は本物です。しかしながら、アジアNo.1という称号はマストであり、あくまでW杯優勝を見据えているので、そういった意味ではまだまだ伸びしろのある日本代表だと思います。

それではイラン戦を振り返り、私男フェルチオが日本代表をザックリ・バックリ蹴り捨てて、素晴らしかったプレーと修正点を分析したいと思います。

いざっ!!

[toc]

日本代表 vs イラン代表のフェルチオ的総括

強敵イラン代表を相手にかなり苦戦が予想された日本代表でした。特に前半の戦いぶりを見るとかなり押し込まれた時間帯もありましたが、吉田麻也選手、冨安健洋選手の2枚センターバックが要所要所でイランFWを封じていました。

しかし、私が見た限り、イラン戦で最も評価の高かった選手は南野選手です。日本の待望の先制点は、彼の素晴らしいプレーから生まれました。

スルーパスに反応した南野選手を止めようとしたイランDFでしたが、南野選手が倒れたプレーをシュミレーションだと審判にアピールしていました。

しかし、審判は笛を吹かずインプレーだったので、南野選手はゴールラインを割りそうなボールを追いかけて追いつき、大迫選手のゴールを見事にアシストしました。

私はこの南野選手の諦めないプレーを見て鳥肌が立ったと同時に、過去の自分の恥ずかしい行動を思い出し、改めて今一度戒めることが出来ました。

というのも、確か2年前の名古屋出張の夜、風俗に行った時の話しなのですが、こんなことがありました。

事前に予約した、口コミで評価の高い名古屋では超有名人気店だったのですが、受付にてお金を払い、カーテンが開かれた向こう側で待っていたのは、ネットで見たとおりの姫でした。

すかさず私のスタンド『イマジン』(スタンドについては、週刊少年ジャンプ「ジョジョの奇妙な冒険」参照)が発動し、姫が着ている服を無力化し、裸をイメージすることが出来ました。

スタンド『イマジン』によると、姫の竹馬(読者の方で誤字を変換してください)の色は、濁りのない綺麗なピンク色でした。

もうこの時点で、心はウキウキ、心臓バクバク、そして私の下半身に移植されたARMS『褐色のウーパールーパー』(ARMSについては、週刊少年サンデー「ARMS」参照)は既にドクドク共鳴しておりました。

しかし、一緒にシャワーを浴びるということで、姫が脱いだ時に驚愕の事実が私の目に飛び込んできたのです。

なんと、スタンド『イマジン』が教えてくれた色とは全く違う色だったのです

確かに、スタンド『イマジン』の正確性は、私の経験則によるイメージなので多少の誤差はあるのですが、姫の顔からは全く想像も出来ない色だったので、ARMS『褐色のウーパールーパー』は共鳴を止めてしまいました。

そこからは惰性でした。姫の顔は非常にタイプでした。スタイルも悪くはありません。しかし、スタンド『イマジン』の映し出したビジョンと現実が違い過ぎて、姫のプレイに入り込むことが出来ませんでした。

そんな私の空気感を姫は敏感に感じとっていたのでしょう。フィナーレを迎える頃、姫は私にこう言いました。

昔のサッカー日本代表FW、ゴン中山って知ってる?彼はボールが生きている間はプレーを止めなかった。ホイッスルが鳴るまで試合を諦めなかった

私は何を言っているのか全く理解出来ませんでした。

続けて姫はこう言いました。

私は相手が誰であれ、どういう態度であれ、タイマーが鳴るまでは全力でプレイするの。それが私の風俗嬢としての魂よ!

そう叫んでギアを上げた姫の柔らかく温かい手の中で、私は果ててしまいました。

そして、試合終了を知らせる部屋中で鳴り響くタイマーの音。

私は思いました。

フェルチオ

やっぱプロってすげーな

・・・・・・・・・・・、

ナ、ナナミーーーーーーー!!

えっと、何の話しでしたっけ?

とにかく試合終了まで諦めてはいけません。フエが鳴るまでプレーを止めてはいけないのです。

南野選手のひたむきなプレーを見た時に、あの名古屋の姫を思い出しました。私はあの日以来、風俗に行った時は必ず全力を尽くしています。

もし、手を抜くのであれば、自分に対しても姫に対しても失礼です。

あ。

手は抜かないけど、手で抜かれはしますけどね、テヘッ。

おほん。

決勝もこの調子でガンバレ日本代表!!

しかし油断は大敵です。決勝で戦うことになったカタール代表はFIFAランキングこそ日本から見ればかなり格下ではありますが、私が見たところカタール代表は強敵です。

気を引き締めて戦わなければ日本代表の勝利はないでしょう。

泣いても笑ってもあと1試合。楽しみな決勝戦となりました。

日本代表 vs イラン代表の試合結果

【日時】2019.1.28(月)

【会場】アル・アイン スタジアム

【結果】日本代表 3-0 イラン代表

【得点者】56分:大迫勇也、67分:大迫勇也(PK)、90分+1:原口元気

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